Kristen Pain

Kristen Pain

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library porn	[Aug. 14th, 2009\|11:37 am]
one of the perks of my new apartment was library proximity. i once ruined my relationship with the minuteman network. after five years of avoidance, i decided to attempt to mend fences. i called up the framingham library, and asked them to tell me the damage, and what i could do to repair it. they informed me that there was no debt, and i wasn't even in the system. this seemed improbable, so i asked her to check again. she did, searching every method possible, and could not locate me or my debt. therefore, i was completely absolved. i felt like a sinner fresh from confession, and practically skipped to the somerville branch to take out whatever the fuck i wanted. knowing this, i thought perhaps the same would be true with the boston branch. NO. in 2004, i took out five books. two were about pornography -- a count, counterpoint book. it was the first book on the list, so the woman behind the desk adjusted her glasses and announced, "you have an outstanding debt on 'pornography'." she seemed to relish this, perhaps just as i used to enjoy telling people that their porn was overdue at the videostore. haha. the exchange would go like this: "which movie was late?" i usually would try to spare them and just mention it was a film, but often they demanded more info. thereupon i would restrain laughter, assume the best poker face, and say, "MR BEAVER GOES TO GANGBANG TOWN NUMBER 16 was two days late". well, nonetheless it was funny. parents with their children looked over, horrified. don't worry, i wanted to say -- you can't check out pornography at the library, just books about pornography. to look at nudie pics, you gotta go to the internet terminals. she printed out the list, which, in a seinfeld episode parallel, contained tropic of capricorn. for now, i am denied library access. :((((
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EVEN MY DREAMS ARE BORRRRING

[May. 27th, 2009|01:12 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	work	]
[	mood	\|	calm	]

I lived in a giant punk mansion with the same setup as my current house. There were several more rooms and floors, but I still lived in the same 5x6 room with the slanty ceiling so I can't jump on the bed. I was in my room and looked out down the hall to Steve's room and noticed that it was on fire.
I bound down the stairs to the outside, to find all of my friends standing around on the yard. "Everyone, the house is on fire. Let's call the fire department," I announced, and was immediately informed that the fire department was on its way. Upon looking back at the house, however, I noticed that there appeared to be no fire.
"Lets go back inside," I said to Colleen and Iain. "I want to get some of my records."
We go back inside, back up to my tiny room, and see that the flames are still raging out of Steve's room. Nonetheless we sit in my room as I try to decide what records to take. The actives 7", but then what? We discussed various records, pitting one against the other as the flames continued on. Which is a better record? Is Uproar better than Uk Subs??? WHAT TO DO??
Meanwhile, the fire department arrived, and rather than being the actual fire department, they were the volunteer fire department. I asked them when they were going to put out the fire.
"Well, actually," they said, "We don't see a fire, so we're not going to put it out."
I pointed to the fire but they didn't acknowledge seeing it.
"Fine!" I shrieked and started to drag a huge hose up the stairs.
I put it out, and then Iain and I listened to Crass.

THE END

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